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As we head toward Aldi, Ken shows great anticipation.
I slowly wend my way there In silent trepidation.
As we enter Aldi, Ken begins to show momentum.
When he puts so much in the trolley,
There's little I can do to prevent him.
Have you seen us in Aldi? It's not a pretty sight:
As Ken wants to buy more and more, That's when we have a fight.
I have to back off, as his voice is raised so loud,
And people stare at us from among the crowd.
When he sees so much he wants to buy,
Then and there I want to cry.
But then I would do well to remember
That Christmas is coming in December.
Then those purchases in the trolley
Will no longer be seen as folly,
But may well gladden someone's heart,
And in this, Ken has played a part.
Our first son was a nightmare;
he screamed both day and night.
I worried as a mother t
hat I hadn’t done things right.
Our second son slept peacefully,
the perfect angel child.
As toddlers, Tom stayed calm and good
while Barry grew more wild.
When they were adolescents,
the teachers at their school
reported Tom was studious,
while Barry played the fool.
The younger one kept super fit
with basketball and swimmin’.
His brother got his exercise
by chasin’ older women.
Sweet Tommie was an innocent,
while Barry learnt too fast
and by the age of seventeen
he had a lurid past.
My hair turned white with worry
and I’d hyperventilate;
I feared I’d be a granny
by the age of thirty-eight!
Dear Tommie one day told me
he feared he’d gone too far;
he’d kissed our neighbour’s daughter
in the back seat of our car.
At this dramatic moment,
my husband said to me
he’d met another woman
and he wanted to be free.
I called him lots of nasty things,
the mildest being louse
and told him that I’d fight him
for the boys and for the house.
I was lucky with my lawyer
who didn’t cost the earth
and none of the acquaintances
of either son gave birth.
My sons taught me to party
so I’m lacking interest when
my husband says he wants to try
our marriage once again.
I say the house is up for sale
and travelling I will go
to Paris, Rome and London
with a lawyer man I know.